Because you strengthen my teeth while satistfying my tropical fruit urges. Because you give me more potassium than a large banana, and because if I had an intestinal worm, you would kill it. Because you're perfect with oatmeal in the morning and dark chocolate in the evening. Because your shells are props in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and because they keep island girls decent from Honolulu to Micronesia to frat parties across North America. Because you turn a nightmarish trip to Fairway into a dreamy meditation on your sweet, smooth pieces, and because you evoke the lush, non-fruit-bearing palm trees that line my alma mater's main drive, and because you repel both a hammer's and an iron skillet's attempts to crack you open. Because you have eyes like a little monkey's. Coconut, I salute you!